My Normal is My Normal

After spending more than a silver jubilee of my life by trying to fit into the pre-defined format of every relationship and standards of living set by God knows who, I have realized something.

Would you like to know what is it?

There are some amazing people around us who are exceptionally praised for their ideal behaviors and are examples for the young-rebellious generation. From where I see, they are all indeed inspirational as per the standards set ages ago but they don’t have their own identity. Somewhere their opinions got mixed up with the myths and customs of society. Somewhere in a struggle to fulfill the requirements of the tag attached to them, they stopped looking for what they truly liked or believed in. The blindness took over gradually and now there is zero tolerance of change.

Change, which is also a synonym of life, is not acceptable by many of us. We don’t accept the differences easily and develop judgments regarding things that do not resonates with us.
◾If a person thinks of a few careers as noble ones then he/she would disregard the rest of the options.

◾If a person prefers a certain type of clothing then people choosing other options are ridiculed by him/her.

◾If a person is vegan then people having meat are looked down upon and vice versa

◾Let’s not goto the example of religion

These are just a handful of examples. Every human is different, hence, something normal for one person is alien to other. Does this mean we should judge or ridicule the ones having different preferences than us in life?
No!

Do we do this?
100 times yes!

Does it cause any harm?
The fear of judgment and always seeking others’ approval damage one’s individuality the most. Many times, the easy path of people-pleasing has been picked and personal preference is stacked somewhere in the backseat of life.

I remember when I started my blog, it was one major step. Not for me or my family but out of the fear of response I might get for using social media with a public account. I already get taunts of wasting engineering degree. The add on was “is this even a thing to do” haww haye, over, attention seeker Bla bla bla.

After a year of “should I continue or not”, I can say that this is MY SPACE. This is the place where people know me for who I am, for my random immature thoughts, for my imperfect personality, and that’s the space that represents me. Do I need to explain myself to anyone?
Absolutely not!!

Do I need to drag myself in doing something more serious and respectable for the sake of other’s validation?
Naaa!!

In between my child’s milestone and my husband’s career growth, should I stop living a life of my choice?
Never!!

Call it side effects of “teaching girls”. I might not be (definitely not) excellent in engineering concepts but I do have the curiosity to learn and explore my life choices. My learning idea might be different from yours but that’s my normal.

The day I realized the idea of my normal is my normal, I gained the confidence to do my things my way. My way of maintaining my individuality and not expecting other’s approval for it.

Do you have your normal preferences?

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The Game of Respect

Nothing is more painful than staying quiet and not being able to correct someone out of respect. In fact, I don’t consider this behavior as respect at all. This can be fear, ignorance, weakness, numbness but definitely not the so-called respect.

One common parenting goal that I have observed since forever is to raise well-behaved children. We were always reminded to behave in front of elders, neighbors, in-laws, guests, and every other possible human. Let me elaborate on this well-behaved term a little according to our society. You are well-behaved and well-raised if:

◾You act dumb to every unnecessary comment from elders around the globe
◾You don’t mention your preferences and choices in front of anyone
◾A child of your family doesn’t report molestation or abuse because he would fear that it might be disrespectful towards that SAINT.
◾Children in your family choose their careers only according to the elder’s wishes and orders
◾You are bound to ignore all the privacy invaders with a smile because oh dear, you dont even know how to set boundaries
◾You have no power to protect your dear ones from the toxicity because respecting the wrong person is apparently more important than saving someone’s life

◾You have no courage to correct the authorities
◾You keep respecting and keep losing your self-respect

I’m sure every third person can relate to one of these and proudly call them well-behaved and well-raised.

The heart shattering part is when I see the abuse at the name of respect from the educated ones. Education is indeed the best thing that can happen to a person until he/she starts feeling too educated for others. You can spot these people among your family, relatives, colleagues and sometimes at street who are just too educated to think, too educated to learn more, too educated to adapt, too educated to even listen. However, always too good to give others any respect.

When the pseudo education gets to someone’s head, it intoxicates them with the lust of control over others. The vicious game of respect is more common among such people. Surprisingly, they find a massive audience and generations to help them grow their “respectful circle”

The circus of respect is getting suffocating but am I allowed to stop being “well-behaved”????

Eligible for Respect?

“You should learn to respect your elders.” his father told him in a stern tone.

“But, aunty was being unreasonable towards me”. He protested.

“Stop it. She is older than you. You don’t say such things about elders. Have we not taught you this?”. He almost screamed.

“But…….”. He stopped after looking at his father’s expressions.

He was hurt. He was hurt to disappoint his father but he was hurt more because he felt unheard and disrespected. He couldn’t stop thinking if only elders deserve respect?

He is one of us. He is another victim of the so-called rules of respect followed for generations. Apparently, there are certain roles, relations, and financial statuses that deserve the most regard. We might be in a modern era but somethings have followed us down here in 2020 too. There are numerous daily examples that cause damages at the individual level due to this vicious cycle of respect.

◾A child is forced to be nice to everyone (guilty of doing this). Sometimes to an extent that with the time a child loses his ability to judge according to his own instincts and just quietly keep “respecting”.

◾A teenager has been molested by one of the respectable members of the family for years but she couldn’t say anything because she feared it would be disrespectful to say something against him.

◾Talking about sex education, menstruation, and puberty changes in the family were considered a taboo. The kids learned it from the wrong sources. Now the family is trying to save its respect.

◾A girl’s dream of higher studies was crushed under her grandparent’s wish to get her married soon. The parents were respecting the elders and they didn’t realize the harm they did to the person with her own heart, soul, and desires.

◾He was sharp, energetic, and full of ideas until he switched to a new company at the start of his career. His new boss didn’t believe in considering junior’s ideas. He was ridiculed in front of the whole office for proposing changes in a new project. The company later lost that same project as well as the self-esteem of their employee.

◾He always loved the magic of different spices that come together to make a delicious meal. His passion for cooking grew with age. When he excitedly shared his decision of perusing a chef career, he was reminded of the only few noble professions that are respectable. Later in life, he was neither a good chef nor any in other professions.

◾They brought the dead body inside the house full of people. She looked at her mother. Everyone was crying. She was crying too but she could feel the calmness on her mother’s face. Her mother was at rest now. Her mother doesn’t have to fear anyone. She doesn’t have to listen to those harsh taunts. She doesn’t have to prove herself as a good daughter, wife, daughter in law, and a mother. She doesn’t have to compromise on her self-respect by respecting the most honorable (or horrible) relations.

A person dies gradually from inside after respecting the pre-defined rules of society and disrespecting his own self. Everyone deserves respect. Parents, children, elders, youngsters, rich, poor; these tags should not define the eligibility of respect but only the individuality of a person.

Let’s be a generation who listens and evaluates the matters rationally rather than with a fear of “it was not common in our time”.