” Daily 3 4 hours won’t be a problem for you. You just stay at home.”
In the excitement of stepping back into work mode, I didn’t realize the ignorance of these words at once. A work of my choice with minimum hours and that too online. Scene on!
I rushed to pick my daughter from her school on my way back from interview. She was in a cranky mood (as usual). We came back home and 3 hours were gone in giving her a bath, having lunch, dishwashing, school revision, book reading, and a good amount of arguments over everything.
Free time are you there now? Wait!
While putting my little monster to bed for an afternoon nap, I planned the rest of the chores. The urge for Me-time was strong but the to-do list in my head was not letting me ignore my appointments with dear laundry, dirty dishes, pending assignments, and mess around the house.
I already felt tired by planning the rest of the day. It’s always exhausting to manage between house responsibilities and personal commitments. At such moments, I ask myself whether am I over challenging myself? Is it really needed? Why do I have to pick extra tasks when my cup is already full?
Fortunately, such questions help me straighten my mind and set my priorities. Do you know how? Such questions trigger the self-love and remind me of the worth of these challenges. Activities that might seem unimportant to many, are a source of keeping my individuality alive. When I pick a task out of my routine, it’s not for anyone else but for myself.
When I chose to stay at home for my kid, I never intended to quit living for myself. I am another woman who stays home for her family but also has desires, priorities, and an individual personality. A woman who is capable of raising her child while raising herself too. A woman who believes in loving herself so she can love others with a content heart.
The trigger was enough. I immediately picked the laptop to avail my opportunity. Dinner could be prepared a little late, the mess around the house could wait a little longer and my family could function on its own for some time. I sent the confirmation email to the company and worked on my pending blogging tasks. I was a happy and satisfied person when I switched back to my housewife mode after an hour. The energy helped in completing the rest of the chores in less than usual time. That day, I went to sleep with an aching back but contentment was dominant.
Unfortunately, a housewife is considered a woman enjoying leisure time all day. The “privileged” housewife might enjoy staying home all day but she is always on alert mode with her brain continuously om a watch for next task. She is conditioned to respond to every call for attention because of the superwoman traits she is supposed to have. This superwoman cooks, cleans, responds to baby cries (sometimes Baba cries), organizes, and manages simultaneously. Yes, multitasking at its best. When I’m doing my job or blogging work, its not usually during my free hours. I run a parallel thread (read: adjust) in my already exhausting program.
Why did I choose to test my capabilities?
I was doing pretty good as a housewife and SAHM but the contentment was missing. I decided to take a break. I took one, and trust me it was too refreshing. It reminded me of the person I was missing. I was missing myself. Frequent meetups with myself where I’m not doing anything as a daughter, mother, wife, or daughter in law but as Tamkeen Zehra.
It’s hectic to manage work alongside home responsibilities but definitely better than a sense of losing one’s identity. It might not apply to many women but if you feel lost, take a break and find something that reunites you with yourself. Don’t wait for the resentment to turn into toxicity!
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